At this year's Berlin Porn Festival I realized what it is about Judy Minx that scares me. But I also found what makes us alike.
Her frenzy about the work she does, the people she fucks and the activism that envolves all of this - is impressive and charismatic. But I feel it being frightening close to the kind of charisma the leader of a suicide cult possesses just before they leave a bunch of dead bodies and run off with the money.. Don't get me wrong, I do not in any way accuse Judy of being a dangerous leader of some cult. I think this is merely my mind going haywire about the fact that Judy is impersonating a little girl with absolutely no boundaries for her own sexuality. She will seduce you without taking any responsibility for you, she is forcing you to be true to yourself and decide if you want to welcome her or refuse. She is forcing you to be blunt.
At the festival she was shamelessly flirting and touching a butch dyke at a screening of her own performance in a porno. That was absolutely provocative and radical to me. I loved it and at the same time it annoyed me because it was forcing me to confront my own sexual inhibitions.
This impersonation that she does, this femme school girl act, is just as much a 24/7 sexual play as it is reality. A charade and a truth. Judy said herself at this festival that she doesn't identify herself as a woman at all, but as a femme. With theese words she liberated me and articulated something I needed to know about myself for such a long time.
I get surprised every time someone calls me a girl. Still, I know I'm not a boy. I feel solidarity with women, but I don't think I am one (who is, anyway?).
Judy Minx is okay with the pronoun "she" as a indication of the femme that is Judy Minx. Gender is accessories.
I am wearing my gender as a dress to my androgenous body. I am not femme but I'm feminine. I am tomboy with a pussy, I am mainstream masculine with a pink.
I am futch.
I spend 25 hours in Paris to learn about the presence of queer life in the city, but mainly to meet the sex performers from the documentary “Too Much Pussy” and it’s director Emilie Jouvet.
I was planning to introduce myself and LFCPP, talk about visionary work of indiependent porn and socisexual movements, but it didn’t really go down that way..
I got to the place where “Too Much Pussy” was about to have it’s first screening on a mainstream cinema. It was totally sold out and queer individuals of all sizes were waiting in a long line, anticipating. I had felt the gayness a few blocks earlier when I rushed about trying to find my way. Women with real hairdos, not just plain and long, and girls with pants and urban colours. Before this, on my twelve hour walk that day, I had only encountered explicit straight fashion and conservative styles. Not a single gay couple. Not a sign of androgyny. Therefor, this small crowd outside the cinema made me really happy.
I got to talk to Sadie, one of the performers, and followed her and some other from the crew to the bar around the corner where they would perform after the screening. I got chatted up by an Australian woman and Sadie & co disappeared to the loges. My first failure at getting a professional talk with them. The second failure was when meeting Emilie Jouvet herself, being so starstruck that I lost all my confidence and didn’t dare to bring up anything of my work :)
That’s life as new in the business..
At the afterparty, the striptease performance was really interesting. For a moment, I felt that I was witnessing something historical.
The brightest star of the night was undoubtedly Louise de Ville. She hosted the show, as well as gave two amazing performances in two entirely different styles. Showing off her intelligence as an artist and diversity in theatrical expressions.
First, she made a scene together with Wendy Delorme where they impersonated two polite young women having dessert together. The cream covered strawberry cake is the center of their attention, becoming an aphrodisiac allowing the women to have sexual awakening. Luise de Ville is transforming from sorority girl to sexual predator, laughing with evil lust as she drugs her friend and have her tied up in bondage.
The audience didn’t know how to respond to this. Was it ok to applaude date rape? How could this woman interpret abusive sexual behaviour without problematising it? Myself, I loved it. Having total confidence in Wendy as a happy consensual adult and professional.
In the end, Wendy gets free of her ropes and gets her naughty pay back at Louise. And now the audience dared to cheer.
Louise did an additional scene where she impersoned a big cunt (in an amazing costume), doing a bit of a cliché by performing as an angry-horny cunt that defeats religion. Here, though, with a nicely done little pyro-act with the Bible catching fire in her presence.
After the show I talked to a couple of people, and they confirmed my observation of Paris as a straight man’s land. They said that the queer scene was totally absent, and the dyke scene nearly dead. They were waiting for a change, I kept thinking they ought to make the change themselves. I found two nice women and followed them for a night of bicycle adventure, smoking weed, eating ice cream and having a joyful lesbian threesome.
I went home pleased with the feeling that Paris got a little more queer by my presence.
Wonderful talent Louise de Ville as an angry horny cunt
Jiz Lee about feminist porn
I wonder how I would feel about sexual image creation, if I had been raised as a boy.
One thing all people have in common, are the scary bedtime stories about how sexual expressionism will fuck up our minds and create social distorsions.
Why doesn’t more women relate to the sex negativity directed to men? We are all victims in sex negative societies. The men are not happy, they are not winning.
As a guy, to empower myself in a shameful sexual identity, based on dangerous and uncontrolled addictive desires, I think I would have to play the game or don’t play at all. Learn how to make crude jokes and celebrate male superiority. Get points for every time I see myself as a tool and a fuck machine. Keeping quiet while making a woman scream. Never take anything up the ass. In reward I get to call myself a man. A capable and operative man.
Doing anything else, I would simply be a self loathing little boy with no pleasant vocabulary for my sexual feelings. That vocabulary is so important, to be able to see oneself as something more encouraging than just “different”.
In my work, I get calls from men with all kinds of sexual wishes and needs. They are not a homogenic group. Though, the more submissive or queer or unusual the need is - the lower is the voice of my client. Embarrassed. Secret. At sex clubs, you see so many faces darkened with shame... I would like to say to everybody, male and female, that they are in power of their bodies. Explain to them what being in control really means, that it means freedom to be and do whoever you fucking want in any way you like. If everyone involved are into this, you are permitted. We show this control by making porn about it.
The Pride Parade is an important and spectacular manifestation, but I can't help feeling a bit detached from it. The fight is not present in the parade, it has moved on to make some real change in classrooms and government offices. As they should. To me, a parade is about getting noticed and shout out emergency issues that are being ignored or forgotten about.
SlutWalk on other hand, is about that kind of shouting.
I met up with my friends on Mynttorget by the royal castle, the sun was hot and encouraged nudity. There was some serious skin showing :)
I saw a teenage girl with her boyfriend curiously walking towards our little crowd. Nothing strange about that, we were surrounded by an audience of tourists allready and I figured this was a "normal" girl thinking we were all freaks.
Next thing I know, the girl is standing with the microphone in her hands, her shirt is off and she is crying with pride. Her boyfriend is standing in the crowd, also shirtless and supporting.
This was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She couldn't be more than maybe sixteen years old, and standing up for her right to dress how she wanted!
The walk itself felt new and important. I held a speech on Sergels torg about my outfit, this is what I said:
I don't know if you can see what I am wearing today, but it's a t-shirt I made when I was seventeen. It has a word game on it. It says the english word "caught", followed by a fonetic translation making up the swedish word "kåt" (horny).
I was so very proud of this shirt, not because I came up with a cute joke but because I hade just started to evolve as a sexual being. I started to have orgasms, I experimented and was on a very important and fun quest for my own sexuality. This made me happy and so I wore this shirt to school and it felt cool and right.
When I came home that day and my father saw what I was wearing, he got SO angry. He forbid me to ever wear it again and he lectured me about being stupid and getting myself raped. He was so very scared. I didn't get scared of rape, thank God, but I hadn't the strength to go against my father.
Today, I wear this shirt again. For the first time since that day, ten years ago. And this time, I know my father was wrong and we are all here to prove it!
This week I attended a workshop in sociosexual filmmaking at Konsthall C, held by artists Malin Arnell and Marit Östberg. This was more of a first discussion and introduction to the subject. We were trying to define the purpose and use of queer sexual art.
Malin and Marit did a good job hosting the group into conversation, showing movie scenes portraying lesbian sex and porn. For me this was very "not news". I have done little else than thought about sex on film and how to use it for empowerment, or to enjoy it for sexual pleasures. The workshop demonstrated how unorganized and immature the queer porn debate is in this country, amongst the generally interested I mean and that would be us queers ourselves.
But I got a chance to reflect upon the difference between "sex on film" and porn. If you want to produce something with more value to the consumer than just the voyeuristic sensation of seeing people fuck in moving images, you have a real challenge. This is my challenge. I would love to find a group of people who really try to find the pornographic aesthetic. To answer the question about what makes their work an exhilarating artistic porn experience. And to control it.
How to be porn artists, I guess.We are not there yet. But I am.
As a finish, they screened the sociosexual movie "Community Action Center" by A.K Burns and A.L Steiner.
This was very interesting, a kind of pornographic documentary. Then again, what porn isn't documental? This very question is embedded in the project, and the term "sociosexual" is to me a much needed hole filler in the categories of sexual art.
Why? Because this will help me to figure out my own purposes in making porn.
Which parts should tell the story of my sexual community (sociosexual) and which parts are simply hot pictures (pornographic)? When I write out of inspiration, do I want to use the sociosexual sources or the bodily? How and when do I combine the two?
This is my dear pretty panties. They disappeared in the heat of a threesome last summer. Wonder if the guy we stayed at still keeps them..